One of the things that my wife Michelle and I are loving about living in Michigan are the birds! In all the places we’ve lived before, we’ve never seen so many birds, especially close to where we live. Our apartment has a little patio on the back and two windows on the front. Believe it or not we now have SIX birdfeeders. Six. Never in my life have I ever had six bird feeders. Never say never, right? 

Well, one interesting thing that’s happened as a result is that Michelle has really gotten into taking pics of birds when we’re on walks or even just of the birds at our feeders. She noticed, however, that sometimes it was hard to see them because of either too little light, too much light, or the patio doors were dirty. 

I realized that clearly we couldn’t change the light that much, depending on the time of day, but we could clean the patio doors. Therefore yesterday I cleaned all of them off on both sides and now we can see out the doors much clearer than we could before. It was an odd ‘aha!” moment about being able to see things clearly based on action that didn’t require a lot of effort but really made a difference in our enjoyment of the birds! 

This one small activity – cleaning the patio doors – made me think of the ways we humans can begin to think of organizations or ways of doing things as “just the way they are.” It’s easy to get caught up in thinking that this one small difficulty is a huge stumbling block when in fact, there are things we can do to improve ourselves or our community. Sometimes they are small things that only require a few minutes, other things are bigger and require planning, and budgeting. But, when they are done, we can see the other side of the obstacle. If we can take a few minutes to step back and self-reflect, or community-reflect, we can see where problems are solvable or new ways of being are possible. 

This self-reflection is one of the things I love about Unitarian Universalism. It is in our DNA. We come from people who question theology and institutions. We come from people who were trailblazers in their careers and brought their ways of thinking to our congregations. Our challenge now, sixty-two years into being a denomination, is not letting the ways of being they created become the only way we see ourselves now. We, too, are trailblazers. Although we honor and respect the work they did, we can – and are expected to – question the traditions they created. Unitarian Universalism is always growing, always changing. As one of my ministerial colleagues puts it, we are “always in beta.” 

Sometimes the change is washing the patio doors, sometimes it’s singing a song at the beginning of worship services, sometimes it’s making sure our physical and emotional spaces are as accessible as possible for all people. We are grateful to our ancestors but we do not stop where they left off.

In November, our Soul Matters theme is Generosity. We will live into and practice being generous through our Sunday services, Chalice Circles, and the ways we support each other. Your generosity to UUCF and in the larger Farmington community matters more than you can know. I am grateful for each of you.

In community,

Rev. Karen

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Recently one of my minister colleagues posted a question on Facebook that got me thinking about our congregation and the ministry we create together.

My colleague asked, “what do you enjoy about being part of a congregation?”

The answers varied but the consistent theme was, “Congregations are the last place left in our world where we build multigenerational connections. They are a place where we are together, not for transactional relationships, i.e., you help me, I help you, but for learning and growing together.”

In our UU congregations in particular, we come together across our many religious and political differences and work on building both a safe(r) place to be but also a place that challenges us to live our values in the larger world. What we do in our congregations is an ongoing experiment and, I believe it is a spiritual practice we all share together.

What makes it a spiritual practice? Our willingness to stay in the joy of friendships and the the discomfort of misunderstanding. It is the desire to learn from others and acknowledge that each of us individually do not have all the information. Each of us has pieces of the puzzle that we are continuously creating and we can’t do it alone. This practice of creating community requires patience, a willingness to change our minds when presented with new information, not moving to immediate defensiveness when differences present themselves, and a desire to uphold the whole instead of working on only individual projects.

Our UU congregations are a place where we practice what it means to hold space for others. We create community together and take these values out into the world through our work towards justice and freedom for all. Our congregations are a place where we are able to make mistakes, forgive ourselves and each other, and try again. We are a promise making, promise breaking, and promise recreating community, always working towards being the people we want to be.

Whoever you are, you are welcome to join us on this path of building, loving, and re-creating on our journey of spiritual community.

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I have had several conversations with the chair of the Caring Cooperative and we have talked about ideas to facilitate even deeper connections. I’m excited to see where these ideas take us!

As the UUCF community continues to evolve, change, and grow, it’s important that everyone knows that they can receive support from each other. Sometimes it’s hard to ask for help, after all we are part of a larger culture that is very individualistic. It is hard to remember that although we are part of the larger culture, in our community, we can and should reach out to each other in times of need.

Another way we show our caring is how we talk to each other. Being in ongoing relationship, being in conscious community, requires attention to the words we use and how we interact. Many years ago I learned a mantra that helps me get clarity when I’m frustrated. The mantra is: “Are you here for the fight or the faith?” This mantra helps the speaker/listener ask themselves a few key questions: 1) Am I making this issue about my own project or am I supporting the mission of the congregation? 2) Is there a kinder way I could ask this question? 3) Who needs to be included in this conversation? 4) What is the bigger picture in this situation? 5) Is this an emergency requiring immediate attention or is this something we can step back and evaluate through the lens of our mission?

Truly living what we believe requires self-awareness, patience, and the ability to hold onto our ideas lightly. We must be willing to be open to what we do not yet know and be willing to change our minds when presented with new information. Caring for each other needs thoughtfulness for the long term.

I am grateful that UUCF continuously strives to be ever more caring. May we always see the inherent worth and dignity in each other.

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What does Love call us to do?

This is the constant question we should be holding in front of us as Unitarian Universalists. I try to think of it in terms of these questions:

In this situation, how can I be more loving? What would love look like in relationship to this person or situation? If I’m in disagreement with someone, is there something that I need to apologize for? Is there a way I could listen better for what this person needs from me?

Sometimes love calls us to “just” listen (I put just in quotes because “just” listening is not easy or passive). Sometimes love calls us to change our behavior. Sometimes love calls us to change our minds about something or someone.

Love in community is a verb. It is truly an action word. Love is sacrifice and sometimes it is holding boundaries. Love requires us to be able to discern the difference. Love can look like being with a loved one while their beloved is dying, showing up for family members at a memorial service even when you didn’t know the deceased, and staying in touch with family and friends months later after a loss so they know they are not forgotten.

To be honest, love does not come easy for me. Although I am a minister, love is not my first instinct. Because I grew up in a dysfunctional household, my first instinct is self-preservation. But, with a lot of spiritual development – learning to trust what I do not yet know – and personal development – I’ve learned to recognize when I want to go into self preservation. I learned to ask myself, “Is it true that I am unsafe in this moment?” Most of the time, I am perfectly safe. And if that is so, perhaps instead of turning within, I can turn without and offer love and inclusion. My UU faith has been a big part of my own healing journey. My hope for UUs individually and all of us collectively is to keep moving towards love wherever we can because that is what we are here for.

More love is the heart of Universalism and what I wish for you.

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This week I’ve been working on my noticing skills, in particular noticing the ways we minister and support each other. The word “minister” is a verb as in, “we minister to each other,” and it is a noun when it is used to describe the spiritual leader of a congregation. For example, I am an ordained UU minister but we all minister to each other. In community we have shared ministry. It’s hard to quantify because there is no specific litmus test, but if we pay attention we can learn to see it in each other.

Here are a few examples of the ministry I’ve seen over the past week.

• The Executive Board had a thoughtful, caring meeting where they listened to each other well, thought of the overall needs of the UUCF community, and shared important decisions that will impact the health of UUCF long into the future. They noticed difficult subjects but didn’t let individual fears keep them from moving forward. I am very proud of your board!
• The staff worked together to listen, create, and plan to support the music program and the Religious Education program. Planning and scheduling is really the easy stuff. The hard stuff, the true ministry, is being open to what we don’t know, listening and communicating our hopes and desires, fears and vulnerabilities. We all want long term growth and many times that starts with people being willing to be open and listen.
• At the Membership Committee meeting this week there was a great dialogue about meeting the needs of the community and creating opportunities for people to connect in a variety of ways. Each of these logistics issues are important so that no one is left out but most importantly, this committee works to ensure everyone feels included and welcome. This is a huge way we live into our ministry together.
• On Thursday I had the opportunity to officiate a “vows only” wedding of a member and their partner. We needed two witnesses so two people from the Daytimers group were their witnesses during the vows and then signed the license. It was a very moving moment! The witnesses shared with the newly married couple of their own vows to their spouses and how much they support this couple.
• And finally, today I had Community Office Hours at Anastasia and Katie’s, a coffee shop in Livonia. This coffee shop supports people with developmental disabilities. It was recommended to me by a member who lives in Livonia. Several folks came in and out of the conversation over the two hours I was there. We all enjoyed each other’s company and got to know each other better. Through conversation we each connected and built new memories together.

And these are just the events that I witnessed! Imagine each of us paying attention, truly noticing each moment of ministry we share with each other on a regular basis. UUCF is a truly caring community. We live our belief in oneness and universal love in every interaction.

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Last Sunday, August 6 we had a multigenerational service that introduced the proposed Article II changes. The focus was about the newly stated (they’ve always been with us!) values with love being at the center, or foundation, of each of them.

Before we got to that part of the service, however, UUCF’s RE Coordinator, Corrie Cortez, and I read through a Wisdom Story that gave some background and used a few props like a plant, clock, and a ballot. The plant demonstrated that we are a living tradition that needs caring and tending. The clock reminds us that there is a timeline for discussion about Article II and the ballot reminded us that we all get an opportunity to vote on these changes, through our delegates who attend (virtually) the 2024 General Assembly.

When we introduced the plant, Corrie showed a post-it on the bottom that had these three important questions:

Why do we exist? What do we value? and Where do we come from?

Big, challenging questions, right? These are the kinds of questions that adults spend entire lifetimes pondering.

But, that didn’t stop one of our children from answering! Jude Petrie decided to let us all know the importance of taking care of trees because they provide us oxygen. Jude then went on to talk about how plants provide us tomatoes and potatoes. It was quite an unexpected and joyful moment! We all wanted to learn what Jude had to share with us, afterall, Jude might just know the answers.

The first sentence in the UUCF mission statement is “Seek Answers Everywhere” and the second one is “Include Everyone.” This means that we acknowledge that answers might just come from an eight year old child, if we have but ears to hear.

The joy we all shared together last Sunday was palpable! We experimented, interacted, and created. We were willing to create a plan and be flexible.

Over the course of the next year together we are going to continue exploring these important questions. Each of us will bring new insights and possibilities. Let us keep our hearts wide open for the wisdom that is among us, waiting to be explored.

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These are questions that long time UUers struggle explaining to visitors to UU congregations. People come to our congregations for many reasons. Sometimes it’s because they want a space for their children to learn about religion in a non-dogmatic way. Sometimes it’s because they no longer want to be part of a former restrictive religion and want to find out what it might be like to be in a faith that encourages them to learn and grow. Sometimes they had no faith background at all but feel the need for community so they are willing to take a chance on something new.

Unitarian Universalism has historically welcomed people who wanted a faith where they could use their whole minds and their hearts. Unitarians were focused on the logic of faith. They were folks who decided to no longer believe in the Trinity, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, because they felt like it didn’t make sense and they believed that there was no scriptural support for this concept. Universalists, how UUCF itself was founded which is why the name begins with the word Universalist, believed that God would not condemn people to hell for mistakes made in their lifetimes. They could not believe that a loving God would make these kinds of judgments so they began to spread the word about a “no hell” God and insisted that theirs was a “no hell” church.

In 1961, after many years of discussion, these two groups decided to merge and become one faith. Since then the concept of Unitarian has become interpreted more broadly from “One God” to “All are One” and the concept of Universalist has become interpreted more broadly from “God loves All” to “All are Loved.” These ideas of oneness of all people and having a focus on love for all people permeates through our principles and values today, sixty-two years later. While everything changes and evolves, the oneness of everything and love for all people continue to be the core we live from.

So who are we for? We are for people who want to be together with people across many different religious beliefs without centering their own as the most important. We are for people who want to learn how to love others with different ways of being in the world. We are for people who want to grow, learn, and practice building a community even when there is conflict. In a UU community, we practice love, forgiveness, making amends, and building community.

Community is the most important thing.

Unitarian Universalism is a kind of practical laboratory of creating, covenanting, making mistakes, and re-covenanting. Our hope is that by practicing these skills together, we can take these skills to other parts of our lives and build the larger world we wish to see that is inclusive of all.

All are welcome!

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So why are we doing multigen services? Our hope as a congregation in having multigen services is, appropriately, multifold. We hope to build connections between and among the generations of people who are part of the UUCF community. We want our children and youth to feel like they are an integrated and LOVED part of the whole community. We want them to learn about Unitarian Universalism and what we value. We want adults to build their skills around being comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Having multigen services allows us all to learn and grow on many levels. It allows us to try new things, be more interactive, be more open and be okay with not having everything go according to plan (hello power outage!). It gives space to our younger congregants to be part of the whole service, to feel like their presence in the community matters. It helps adults to be silly, to question the constrictions we all live with, and to be excited about the future of our congregation.

The other day I was reading a great article about running skills* and training programs. It gave several points that I think are transferable to our community.

1. “Don’t dwell on failure.” I have run many road races over the years. I have started – and not finished – two half marathons. But that won’t keep me from trying again. My goal is to be a runner for the rest of my life. Therefore, I keep running several times a week. I don’t give up just because a race didn’t go how I had planned.
2. “Focus on gradual improvements.” Improvements happen by consistently showing up. Consistently trying again and again. Building muscle and body memory. Over time, sometimes years, there will be improvement in your running.
3. “Make Changes if needed.” If you realize that the training plan you’re doing is unrealistic or incompatible with your life right now, you can change it. Total freedom, right?!

All of these points apply to creating multigen services as well. At each one of our services, mistakes will be made. One thing – or many things – may not go as we had hoped. But we don’t use that as a reason to stop trying. We focus on gradual improvements knowing that our litmus test for if a service “works” or not is not the same as meeting a pace goal. Instead, we focus on building relationships and connections. We are raising adult Unitarian Universalists which is not easy work! Finally, as we move forward we are open to feedback and will continuously make changes as needed. If you have feedback, please come to me or Jess Sanchez and we will listen to you.

As we continue to experiment and play, remember that everything we teach is Unitarian Universalism. All we have is each other. Let us continue to build the Beloved Community with our whole hearts!

*Article by Jeff Galloway in the Garmin app

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Two resources that I want to share with you is Shonda Rhimes’ book “The Year of Yes” and Victor Frankl’s book “Yes to Life.” Two very different sources (we are UUs, after all!) but both talk about the importance of saying yes even – especially when – we don’t know what is going to happen next.

Although we didn’t have electricity, we improvised and made it work, anyway. Together we practiced not knowing what was going to happen and moving forward. It was also our first multigenerational service! We planned, we created, we learned and we will keep experimenting. Thank you to everyone for your patience and support as we extended each other grace.

For the Reading section of the service, 24 people read quotes into the mics. Below are a couple of those quotes. I hope they encourage you and bring you joy. Think about what you might say Yes to in your life!

Those who have learned to collaborate and improvise have prevailed.

Charles Darwin

If we treat each other as if we are geniuses, poets, and artists, we have a better chance of becoming that on stage. 

Del Close

And finally…..

The rules of improvisation apply beautifully to life. Never say no – you have to be interested to be interesting, and your job is to support your partners.

Scott Adsit

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